i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
