I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
