and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
