Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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