i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
