Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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