Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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