oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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