dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...