gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
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come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
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My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.