Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon