I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
