Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
People Are Arguing Over This Guyâ€™s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.