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• (954): View more from Florida

  So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.

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• (858): View more from California

  CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How was the picnic?

  (516): View more from New York

  We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Why didn't you put them down?

  (516): View more from New York

  No beer left behind.

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• (682): View more from Texas

  I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson

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