is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor