party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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