Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
