so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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