I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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