I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
