how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just cropdusted the office
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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