I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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