i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
