honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
