My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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