genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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