We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
