im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
