I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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