Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...

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  (714): It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks... http://tfl.nu/l4e9
  Replies (2) Good night (1231) Bad night (491)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.

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  (602): no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself. http://tfl.nu/5qf3
  Replies (2) Good night (864) Bad night (3768)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

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  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6665) Bad night (861)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  oh fat girl friday strikes again...

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  (724): oh fat girl friday strikes again... http://tfl.nu/rgt0
  Replies (60) Good night (808) Bad night (4346)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.

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  (914): Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life. http://tfl.nu/7q9y
  Replies (7) Good night (1244) Bad night (3125)
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  (+04): View more from

  She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.

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  (+04): She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf. http://tfl.nu/hr1t
  Replies (7) Good night (1144) Bad night (880)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Go back and try to find another to go home with.

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  (501): Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders? (501): Go back and try to find another to go home with. http://tfl.nu/r0ix
  Replies (9) Good night (2454) Bad night (618)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night

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  (615): No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night http://tfl.nu/p85n
  Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (700)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr

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  (507): Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr http://tfl.nu/hq3c
  Replies (3) Good night (1074) Bad night (562)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.

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  (302): Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells. http://tfl.nu/dzek
  Replies (4) Good night (1129) Bad night (441)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.

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  (541): After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave. http://tfl.nu/k4g0
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS

  (845): View more from New York

  Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.

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  (201): SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS (845): Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings. http://tfl.nu/tkia
  Replies (8) Good night (993) Bad night (414)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  3 2 1 whiskey

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  (414): 3 2 1 whiskey http://tfl.nu/jfg7
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (206)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.

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  (404): I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start. http://tfl.nu/1iy9
  Replies (3) Good night (313) Bad night (511)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.

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  (734): You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down. http://tfl.nu/tbv8
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (219)

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