Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control. http://tfl.nu/vcg1
  Replies (9) Good night (872) Bad night (2776)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51683) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am the king of creep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me". (262): I am the king of creep. http://tfl.nu/3401
  Replies (12) Good night (3248) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success http://tfl.nu/8g5x
  Replies (12) Good night (4100) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools http://tfl.nu/dqol
  Replies (10) Good night (3933) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants. http://tfl.nu/zw7z
  Replies (14) Good night (3295) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do http://tfl.nu/chus
  Replies (13) Good night (2315) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"? http://tfl.nu/ubao
  Replies (6) Good night (3736) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench. http://tfl.nu/hb4t
  Replies (11) Good night (2403) Bad night (1572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon. http://tfl.nu/hf2o
  Replies (20) Good night (3249) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses http://tfl.nu/zlmy
  Replies (8) Good night (1478) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible. http://tfl.nu/mspa
  Replies (9) Good night (1237) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while. http://tfl.nu/y6er
  Replies (10) Good night (1004) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was. http://tfl.nu/s812
  Replies (6) Good night (902) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny". http://tfl.nu/ox7j
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt

Randomize