He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.