Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?