Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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  (281): I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him http://tfl.nu/1o2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1141) Bad night (581)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...

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  (404): Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it... http://tfl.nu/ne4c
  Replies (10) Good night (4591) Bad night (930)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it

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  (717): if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it http://tfl.nu/n58g
  Replies (16) Good night (3473) Bad night (1526)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.

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  (717): Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/70l7
  Replies (10) Good night (4825) Bad night (860)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

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  (540): Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis http://tfl.nu/8a3h
  Replies (13) Good night (3334) Bad night (696)
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  (516): View more from New York

  If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles

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  (516): If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles http://tfl.nu/okmw
  Replies (4) Good night (1524) Bad night (1084)
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  (626): View more from California

  Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?

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  (626): Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester? http://tfl.nu/lq06
  Replies (22) Good night (4447) Bad night (1092)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.

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  (404): The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad. http://tfl.nu/jenx
  Replies (8) Good night (838) Bad night (1890)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.

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  (580): That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/nlfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1125) Bad night (567)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You're the worst gay friend ever.

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  (314): No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like? (1-314): You're the worst gay friend ever. http://tfl.nu/4trc
  Replies (2) Good night (1667) Bad night (669)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place

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  (314): Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place http://tfl.nu/v09l
  Replies (1) Good night (913) Bad night (583)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2818) Bad night (549)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen

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  (+44): She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen http://tfl.nu/pozx
  Replies (3) Good night (1787) Bad night (444)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE

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  (330): I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE http://tfl.nu/air0
  Replies (4) Good night (1310) Bad night (400)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile

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  (570): Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile (1-570): FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile http://tfl.nu/2z1a
  Replies (0) Good night (933) Bad night (246)

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