the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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