Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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