week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
