I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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