Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
