I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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