just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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