So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
