But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
