Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
