i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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