I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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