we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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