He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
