I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
