I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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