Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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