Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
