If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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