what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
