Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
