Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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