Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
