I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
