Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
