Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
