Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Houston, we have a blender
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
