"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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