So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
