the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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