Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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