I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
