just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
