I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
