My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will pee on everything he values.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
