he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
