Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
