yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need moral support for this bender
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
