It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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